Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
