I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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