we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
