You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
