i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
