Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
