it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
