I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
