Is it because I queefed?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
