I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
