Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
