So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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