It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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