sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
