I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
