Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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