none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
