the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
