I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
pray to the hookup gods
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
