and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
