I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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