i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
