i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
