Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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