Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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