every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
