May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
