He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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