Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
