My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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