from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
