Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
