I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
