One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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