Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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