Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
