I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
