i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize