the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
