i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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