Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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