Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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