My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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