Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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