New low: just hacked my moms facebook
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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