I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
