Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
