Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
