I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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