dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
