His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
