There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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