I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
