I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
