As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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