I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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