i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
