Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
