1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
