My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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