You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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