the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she peed on how many people?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
