The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
