i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
