he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
