I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
