i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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