he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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