hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.