Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.