he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?