My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.