considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?