I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
