a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
