'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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